510 Putting Anger and Hurt Behind Me
Christmas is over and New Year’s is here. It’s time to put 2007 behind me.
Hummm, that’s going to be easier said than done.
For all the good things that happened in 2007 – Clothgirl’s 18th birthday, completing an Ironman Triathlon two weeks before my cool 50th birthday party, giving away an amazing 35 vehicles via the Clothman Car Giveaway and updating my Clothman outfit with a spiffy new red Speedo – it was also one of the most, if not the most, difficult year of my life. I say that for two primary reasons.
First, though I obeyed every law known to man – and some unknown – I’ve lost more than $100,000 in expenses and lost wages over the past two years in a real estate development nightmare. Every court and council ruling, every witness, and every person in authority from the Montana State Supreme Court to my Mayor has agreed that I didn’t do anything wrong.
But the kicker came this December when I learned that I’ll never be able to re-coup even one penny of my damages. $100,000 that I didn’t and don’t have – completely gone! I feel achingly helpless, breathlessly oppressed.
An even bigger downer in 2007 was being rejected, ostracized and even shunned at times by a group of Christian brothers and sisters that I had been a part of for nearly 20 years (including 12 years of leadership). I’ve never been divorced, but I think I can now relate to the pain and emptiness one experiences when a spouse unilaterally demands an end to a long term relationship.
In fairness to my friends, they ex-communicated me to protect their doctrine of a literal hell of eternal torment, not to personally reject me. In fairness to me, I think that doctrine without love is a clanging cymbal that sure looks and feels like personal rejection.
Now that I’m about to hang up my 2008 calendar, what should I do with my 2007 hangover of oppression and rejection? My financial losses are real and won’t be erased by a new calendar year. My broke heart, cancelled speaking engagements and alienation from my friends won’t be miraculously transformed when the big ball lights up in Times Square at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve.
What can I do? What can anyone do who suffers an apparent injustice? We have to make a choice; I have to make a choice. I must choose life, not death. I must release, not preserve, my hurt and anger.
Peter said it this way, “…be agreeable, be sympathetic, be loving, be compassionate, be humble. That goes for all of you, no exceptions. No retaliation. No sharp-tongued sarcasm. Instead bless – that’s your job, to bless. You’ll be a blessing and also get a blessing” (1 Peter 3:8-9).
As I said at the outset, this is easier for me to say than do. I’m still in process, but it is my sincere goal to become a better person, not a bitter person, in 2008. Lord help me.
|
|
