486 Fatherless On Father’s Day
Last November I was with my buddy Dustin and his family when he exhaled one last tired, shallow breath. He died of liver disease at the young age of 42.
I looked over at his wife Becky and their five children as they surround Dustin’s now lifeless body – the oldest merely 14 years old. What did the future hold for them?
Can a woman remain healthy when she must give even more as a mom when she is suddenly a widow and not a wife? Can a boy stay a boy long enough to mature into a man when he feels like he just became the man of the house? Can a girl still blossom when her father is no longer there to water and nurture the roots of her womanhood?
I asked God to help their future to be anything but lifeless, despite this death.
As the weeks turned into months I noticed that Father’s Day was fast approaching. Could this first fatherless Father’s Day be anything but blue? Perhaps I could help that in some small way by at least being a fatherly presence on that day.
Dustin loved to cook breakfast for his family so Clothgirl, Clothboy and I did our best to prepare a Dustin like breakfast (Clothwoman had to work). After a smile-filled meal we hung around for a festive early afternoon Father’s Day dinner which included steaks grilled by Dustin’s oldest son.
After dinner clean-up we took Dustin’s cremains (he was cremated) and asked God to show us where we should bury them. After three hours of looking and praying in the mountains everyone agreed on a spot that was the staging area for many of Dustin’s hunts, hikes and snowmobiling adventures.
Becky explained how this was a meaningful place for Dustin and that it would also be easy to find in the years to come when the kids would one day want to bring their own children back to Dustin’s resting place. She gave each child a small heart shaped box that contained a small portion of Dustin’s cremains saying they could do with them as they personally felt led at a later date.
Becky then pulled a rock from the ground to take back to her flower bed and reverently poured Dustin’s cremains into the whole left by the rock. After we prayed and shared words of memorial, the boys and I rolled a very large rock over Dustin’s cremains. The youngest child quietly placed six quartz rocks she had collected (one for each remaining family member) upon Dustin’s large rock. We then returned to the family home and enjoyed Dustin’s favorite dessert – strawberry shortcake.
Turns out, that first fatherless Father’s Day was more beautiful, and Dustin’s family healthier than I could have possibly thought or imagined months ago as I stood at Dustin’s deathbed.
As I drove home late that evening I couldn’t help but reflect upon a promise God fulfilled with Israel centuries ago that he accomplished again with this dear family. After a period of suffering he said, “Their lives will be like a well-watered garden, never again left to dry up. Young women will dance and be happy, young men and old men will join in. I’ll convert their weeping into laughter, lavishing comfort, invading their grief with joy” (Jeremiah 31:13).
This is my tribute to a family who choose to live despite death, a community who didn’t forget them and a God who did not fail.
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