478 Clothgirl’s First Date Part 2
“Clothman you can’t be serious about having no curfew for your children. God gave us the Bible, the Ten Commandments, etc. to help us obey God and be good citizens. I know you mean well, but without clear and firm rules you’re not helping your children or society.” -Bob
Bob, our goal has always been for Clothgirl and Clothboy to be adults by the time they leave home, not be ready to start trying to be an adult. Having no curfew for when she had to be home from the prom was a key step toward Clothgirl’s maturation into adulthood.
Here’s another example. Clothgirl will be a high school senior next year so we’ve told her that starting this summer she will no longer have to ask our permission to do anything or go anywhere. We just request that she let’s us know where she is and when she will be home.
I understand why this may seem like lawlessness to you Bob; I really do, but we see this freedom as essential to our children becoming adults while still under our roof. To mature Clothgirl must have freedom from the rules we used when she was growing up.
Rules train for freedom but are not the foundation; that foundation is love.
Rules are control based. Love is trust based. Rules are enforced externally. Love is enforced internally. Living by rules is essentially a slavery to fear that restricts and prohibits maturity. Living by love is freedom that promotes maturity because right behavior, though optional, is motivated by unconditional love.
That’s why Jesus came to fulfill all those laws you referred to Bob. He knew that laws can only show what’s wrong with us; they can never set us free. He also knew that we’d never fully love anyone until we were free to, not forced to. Thus, he fulfilled the requirements of the law for us and showed us how to follow love in our heart, not rules in a book.
Remember, it was Jesus not Clothman who said, “If you love me, you will obey what I command” (John 14:15). Not, “if you obey me, you will love me.”
Paul was equally direct. When Jesus sets us free from all those laws, he said we “suddenly recognize that God is a living, personal presence, not a piece of chiseled stone. And when God is personally present, a living Spirit, that old constricting legislation is recognized as obsolete. We’re free of it! All of us! …And so we are transformed much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him” (2 Corinthians 3:16-18).
By the time she was ten, Clothgirl already knew most of our rules and expectations. Since that time, following Jesus’ example, we’ve been gradually weaning her away from our control to her own. “The more we trust you the greater freedom you will have,” we’ve said.
Not only is Clothgirl a fantastic daughter; she is already a quality member of society. As Paul said, she is gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful and more like God. I believe much of that is because we have set her free.
Clothman is pastor of High Point Adventures. Contact him at www.Clothman.com or PO Box 3561, Missoula, MT 59806.
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