456 Clothman Goes to Hell, Part 1
“No way,” I yelled at my older brother George, “you’re lying. Santa IS real!”
“Don’t be such a dork, everyone knows Santa’s not real.” George was eight, three years older than me and right more often than I liked about the big things in life, like UFO’s and where babies come from.
“You just wait till tonight, then you’ll see,” I shot back.
Indeed, Santa Claus was coming to the community hall in Eastport, Idaho. Thanks to George, I started wondering why Santa was coming to the hall instead of our chimney. No matter, he’s still real.
Twas days before Christmas and the town kids had all gathered, when out on the porch there arose such a clatter, that we sprang from our chairs to see what was the matter. When, what with our wondering eyes did we see, but a short squatty Santa in a tattered red suit, wrinkled as could be. He had a saggy, grey beard and a pillow shaped belly, that bounced like lumpy jam instead of like jelly. “Ho, Ho, Ho” his laugh sounded familiar, but like who I just couldn’t remember. But when I sat on his lap and smelled his Budweiser breath, I knew in a flash it was …Troy Parish!
George was right, again. People, including my own mother, had tricked me. The stories about Santa, the songs, the movies, they were all as phony as Pepper Jackson’s hair piece. In the long run it turned out okay, I enjoyed the true story of Christmas much more than I ever did all the Santa stuff anyway.
Imagine my surprise when some years ago I realized I had been hood-winked again about Christmas; only this time as an adult and with something a gazillion times more serious then Santa and his Red-Nosed Reindeer.
I’d say the chances are pretty good that you too have been taken in by this myth. And if you’re like me, your initial reaction to it will be denial. I responded the same way I did when my brother told me about Santa. Strange isn’t it how our first reaction to change is often anger and resistance?
Well listen, we have a long established relationship of trust. I have always done my best to bring you an accurate, reasoned and balanced spiritual perspective in The Adventures of Clothman. You have always considered my thoughts and kindly responded, even when you disagreed. Thus, dialogue continued and we both moved closer toward truth and one another at the same time – the way Jesus intended.
Let’s continue that pattern in these advent columns. I will be as honest and accurate as possible and you can extend to me as much grace and trust as possible.
You’ve probably figured out that I’m not going to actually share the myth with you until next week, but I’ll give a hint. Remember in the Christmas story, when the angel suddenly stood among the shepherds with God’s glory blazing around him and said, “Don’t be afraid. I’m here to announce a great and joyful event that is for everyone, worldwide. A Savior has just been born in David’s town” (Luke 2:10-11).
Hint: the angel meant what he said.
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